P.S. There’s a Shepherds Pie in the freezer
Alas, the time is upon us.
I know before we had kids, I always said “I’d never leave my husband all summer, those mums are crazy”, but, da-aaam, it’s like keeping two labradors in the apartment all day at the moment and these 20-mins to get in or out the car in 40+ degrees is testing all of the patience I’ve managed to hone since having babies. Baby, I’m out of here on the next 0800 DXB - LGW mum fun bus!
We’ll really miss you though. But we both know, the distance does odd things to me and I may be a bit mood swingy throughout this extended family absence, as with previous summers. You’d be shrewd to expect:
1) A big martyr act after I’ve flown home with the kids alone and a blow-by-blow account of every juice box I ended up wearing on the flight, every time I had to wrestle Ted in to his seatbelt when required, every toy we lost under the plane seat, etc.
2) Late night, drunken calls declaring my undying love after my nights out with my best friends at home.
3) Whispered, whiney phone calls and CAPS LOCKED messages when my parents are annoying me and I occassionaly regress to being a sulky teenager after living with them for a few weeks.
4) Occasional resentment for you surviving without us and actually daring to go out and have (some well deserved) fun, rather than pining on the sofa hugging my nightie and crying over family selfies on your phone.
as well as…
5) Late night payment notification SMSs as I shop online and can’t lean over and intercept the message whilst you sleep.
6) Me taking the summer break to redraft the next 5-10 years of our life and needing to discuss every detail of this new game plan with you at inconvenient times of the day or night.
7) Sending you on treasure hunts for half a dozen things you absolutely HAVE to bring with when you visit us (a bracelet I haven’t worn in years, that I’ve just seen someone wearing a similar version of, a book I want to lend a friend, etc). You know the drill. I've also packed an extra suitcase you need to bring if you don't mind.
8) A photo feed bursting with photos of the boys and I feeding ducks at the park, eating retro ice lollies, riding bikes, things that I can’t work in the house, good hair day selfies.
Don’t eat take-away pizza every day. Don’t pile your dirty underwear on the bathroom floor. Walk the dog. Don’t stay up too late watching those geeky conspiracy theory documentaries. Play golf - get ALL the golf out of your system before we get back!!!
And know that it might not seem like I miss you, as those boys keep me so busy, I will be.
P.P.S. I didn’t actually have time to make the shepherds pie I had intended to leave when I first drafted this. I'm pretty sure there are some fish fingers left in there though. Adios Guapo xxxx